


Who Cares About You? I Do.

by bubblegumclouds



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Coming In Pants, First Time, Fluff, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Masturbation, No Sex, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Smut, Swearing, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-26 11:23:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17140868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bubblegumclouds/pseuds/bubblegumclouds
Summary: Harry gets his soulmate at 19 but it's not quite the fairytale he imagined. Louis thought life didn't have anything good to offer him until he hears the yelling of a stranger in his ear.





	Who Cares About You? I Do.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Christmas and LOUIS' BIRTHDAY! Have a cute but slightly depressing fic! To be honest I've lost motivation and my talent for writing so I'll be uploading old works until then. Have a great Christmas!
> 
> Twitter- angeltxmlinson  
> Tumblr- angeltxmlinson or mclennondreams

_“Fookin’ piece of shit balls.”_  
“FOOKIN’ LOOSAH, DO YOUR FOOKIN’ JOB MATE.”  
_“Shit those were new! Arsehole.”_  
_“Bollocks mate, I’d stick it in ‘im any day of the week.”_

When Harry had been told about soulmates at the tender age of 6 years old, he had never quite imagined what would come next. You see, nearly everyone had a connection in some way with their soulmate, a way to know them if you ever saw them. Despite these being relatively hard to match, nearly 400 soulmate pairs were created each day around the world. There was no telling what your sign was going to be, sometimes it was whenever your soulmate sang a song, for some it was whenever they whispered.

As it was random, the list of identifies were currently in the thousands and growing at a steady rate. Of course, nobody could ever be sure if they had every single one because although it was illegal to not state your sign or play with the specifics of it, there were always people who tested the system.

Harry was a bit late to get his, it happened on his 19th birthday. All his life he’d dreamed of his soulmate softly singing him to sleep or humming as he worked, being a romantic at heart he’d constantly be talking to his mum about his idealised signs. Of course, all of that went out the window when...

“FOOK YOU, YOU FOOKIN’ COCK SUCKER. GO FOOK YOUR MUM.”

Harry froze and dropped his cutlery on the table, his eyes widened and his face paling. Every part of what had just happened seem to leave him frozen.  
“Harry? Harry, love, what’s wrong?” His mum asked from next to him, her arm placed on his shoulder.  
“I-I... s-soulmate,” Harry whispered, his throat closing up as his heart pounded. It was finally happening to him, all his dreams were here.

“Harry! That’s wonderful! Oh my baby, what does she sound like, love? Oh does she sing? I bet she has a beautiful voice. Oh Harry, you’ve got me all welled up,” Anne dabbed at her eyes with a napkin as Harry’s family all awaited the news. Harry couldn’t quite process what had happened. How he was going to say it had never occurred to him, he wasn’t even sure how he was meant to know what his identifier was. All he knew was the there was no doubt, 100%, the plainest thing in the world. That voice was _male._

“Harry hurry up, we have to get your sign registered! What did she say, dear?” Harry’s grandma impatiently asked, so proud of her first grandchild’s dip into the dating world.  
“I-I, um, it’s a he,” Harry whispered and the room went silent. Everything clouded so spectacularly that it was hard to believe they’d been weeping with joy just moments ago. As much as Harry wanted to be with them, wanted to recognise that he’d just come out. He couldn’t get his head out of repeating itself. Harry finally let himself remember that despite the shock of his sign, he’d heard his soulmate. The tears began to ran as he clapped his hand over his mouth and prayed he’d hear it again. Every part of him was trembling, this was the first day of the rest of his life.

“Harry, love, are you sure? They’re very rare,” Anne said worriedly, casting glances and brief awkward smiles to the older members of the family and Harry nodded. It came as much of a disappointment to everyone around.  
“Definitely, he was shouting really loudly, I-I think he was annoyed,” Harry tried to piece together what he’d heard, rewinding the crude sentence over and over again in his mind. It had no significance, it seemed like something the boy had just tossed out casually. He tried to pick at anything, maybe his identifier was shouting? Or anger? But all signs pointed towards the first word being a swearword so that must mean... that was his.

“W-What did he say Harry?” Anne asked as her parents were still in shock at the news their grandson had a same-sex soulmate. Harry was finally brought back into the room as he turned to his poor innocent mother about to hear something that should never come out of her baby’s mouth.

“Fuck you, you fucking cock sucker. Go fuck your mum,” Harry repeated and everyone gasped.  
“Oh lord, Jesus Christ,” his grandmother whispered, making the sign of a cross over her body. Harry would have been horrified if the half giggle-half shock wasn’t still coursing through his veins. This boy was already having quite the impression on him.

“R-Right, okay. I guess we better, um, get you down to the registry then,” Anne awkwardly began taking plates out and shuffling Harry out of the room as fast as possible.  
“That boy needs Jesus!” Harry’s grandmother shouted as they left for the hall, the boy's words still ringing around his head.

“Shit, sorry, my fault mate.”  
It was about 11 at night when that came as a whisper, it was only the second time he’d ever heard it and this time he was alone. The voice sounded softer this time, more nonchalant and Harry couldn’t help but let out a soft cry with delight. The way the words were laced with such a high voice just made them impossible not to be fonded over. His soulmate on his birthday, best present ever.

-

Over the coming days, Harry would get random snippets playing. Most of his friends were jealous of how often he heard him, some had such obscure signs they’d only ever hear them once, maybe twice a year. Harry, however, heard them once or twice every hour and sometimes there were so many swearwords it became a minute long sentence.

Harry would just giggle to himself in class whenever he heard him bust out a new one he hadn’t used before or make a sarcastic remark. It was clear to Harry that the boy didn’t know about their connection and chances are he wouldn’t ever find out. Harry had been brought up a lot better than to curse, his mother held a high standard of Harry’s behaviour and so did his private school. There was no chance Harry would be cursing and especially nowhere near as much as his soulmate did.

After a while, Harry learned to ignore the filth spewing out of Louis’ mouth however it was about a week after his 19th when things got... interesting. Harry was completing his homework at his desk when he heard it.

“ _Fuck, oh yeah, fuck me._ ”  
It was a groaning coming deep from his soulmates voice box and it was quiet too. Harry’s breath caught suddenly in his throat, he knew what this was. His soulmate was... having _sex._ This was something he was very much not equipped to deal with, no classes had prepared him to hear the person he was meant to be with putting their most intimate body part into a stranger.

“ _Shit yes, oh Jesus._ ”  
The boy was breathless, his voice coming out in pants and whines. Harry sat frozen, unable to discourage the effect it was having on him but not wanting it to have said effect. He was waiting until marriage for god sake, why was he with such a dirty boy.

“ _Fuck, g-gonna c-come, y-yes._ ” He began to shout a bit louder as he slipped towards an orgasm and Harry just willed this horrific torture to be over, his dick hard and straining in his pyjamas.  
“Fookin’ hell Liam, knock next time you wanker!” He shouted while the thick accent dripped back into his voice and Harry suppressed a giggle at the fact he must have gotten caught.

“Bloody Christ, can’t a guy jerk off in peace? Jesus,” he muttered and oh... okay, he was masturbating. That was new. Harry took a deep breath, not noticing that he had barely been breathing properly due to the tension and tried to collect himself. Pretending it didn’t happen seemed to be his best option and he headed to bed, his dick still tenting his shorts.

-

Harry quickly picked things up about his soulmate despite the nature of the sentences he got his facts from. The boy liked football a LOT, something Harry had now begun to read about in the hopes of making a good first impression. He got into an unhealthy amount of fights with people during school hours which worried Harry at first but then he realised that his soulmate was just a troublemaker.

Oh, and probably the biggest thing, his soulmate liked to masturbate at least once a day when he could. It simultaneously stressed Harry out and made him wish that maybe one day he could do the same. Countless nights had passed where Harry would splash himself with cold water after listening to the boy hurriedly jerk off in his room. Luckily, he had a schedule to his habits so Harry could lock himself away before any awkward situations arose. Every night between 10pm and 11pm, his soulmate would utter the filthiest words and the way he groaned them made Harry feel like he was there and the words were being said into his ear.

It was on one of those nights that Harry was lay on his bed, preparing for the inevitable at this point when things changed.  
“Fook you, I fookin’ hate you,” he was angry, and not just ‘not got enough money for the bus’ angry. This was an emotion Harry hadn’t heard from him before. It was laced with venom and spat with such a violent tone that Harry was begging to hear more.

“Fook off okay, get out of my fookin’ face you bitch,” He was crying, the cracks more prominent now and Harry’s heart ached heavy in his chest as tears rose to the surface of his eyes.  
“Fook you, I just want to be alone arsehole. I need some time so just fookin’ get out me face will you.” He shouted and tears dripped down Harry’s face at how hurt his soulmate sounded, he was powerless.

The argument was followed by many expletives in quick concession before a whined ‘ow, ow fook that hurt, oh Jesus not A&E again’ and Harry ran to his mum despite the late time.  
“Mum, mum please,” Harry shook her as he cried and she awoke immediately, startled. Her eyes squinted open and immediately cupped Harry’s face upon seeing the tears.

“He’s hurt mum, he’s really hurt and he’s so upset,” Harry sobbed into his palm and Anne pulled him in next to her. She hated the fact he’d only ever hear the angry and hurt parts of his soulmate, nobody swore much when they were happy.  
“Shh, alright, he’ll be okay love. He’s probably just going through a bit of a bad time, he’ll be alright,” she comforted and Harry just hoped he’d hear something to confirm it. He’d take a sentence, even a word. Anything. That night was silent.

Harry hadn’t heard from Louis in a day and he started to panic, it wasn’t like him to go silent. Something was wrong. He’d tried to tell his mum this constantly but she just kept making these false statements that had no truth to them. He understood they were meant to calm him but it wasn’t right. How was Harry meant to know he was fine? Harry began walking the streets after school, hoping by some miracle that his soulmate would wander past and everything would be okay. He was met with nothing but dog walkers and speeding cars.

After a week there was still nothing and Harry was in bits, everyone had tried to console him, tried to tell him it was normal. They didn’t know him like Harry did, they didn’t understand the way the boy spoke and how much he swore at everything. They hadn’t heard his mutters and gotten to know his nightly routine. Harry was certain he was going to end up soulmateless, a state that nobody ever wished upon their worst enemy. Harry had heard stories about soulmate widows and blanks, heard how depressing it was and how some people were driven to unspeakable things from hearing their soulmate die. Harry couldn’t be one of those, he couldn’t.

-

“Piss off, told you I’m not in the mood.”  
Harry dropped his phone when it happened, the hushed sentence after a week and a half. He fell to the floor on his way to the kitchen, his knees shaking with relief as he sobbed into his hands.

“Harry! Oh god, no, please no,” Anne said, her voice timid. She had no idea how she could ever begin to help her boy through losing his soulmate.  
“He’s alive mum, he’s alive oh god, he’s alive,” Harry repeated, choking out the words and Anne hugged him closer, letting out tears of her own.

“Oh Harry that’s brilliant, see I told you he’d be alright,” she sighed with relief too, however, Harry’s relief quickly turned into anger at how much he’d been through. He clenched his fist and pulled away from his mum, turning his back so he didn’t see the look on her face.  
“Sorry mum for what I’m about to do,” Harry rushed and before Anne could say anything, Harry shouted.

“FUCK YOU, YOU MADE ME PANIC FOR A WEEK AND A BLOODY HALF WITH NO SWEARING I SWEAR TO GOD WHOEVER YOU ARE YOU BETTER HAVE A DAMN GOOD EXPLANATION FOR THAT,” Harry raged, knowing that finally, his soulmate would hear his voice. Sure enough, the reply came quick and hurried, it took a minute to process the words.

“FOOK, FOOK OH MY GOD, NO, I-I THOUGHT. JESUS I’M- MUM- FOOKIN’ CHRIST- MUM!” His soulmate shouted, sounding happier than Harry had ever heard. Despite the horror on his mums face at his language, she still asked to be kept up on the details.  
“Arsehole, I-I thought I was a blank, I thought, fook, I-I, oh my god,” he stuttered in disbelief and a beaming smile came to Harry’s face. Now he was finally addressing Harry personally, it was like meeting an idol for the first time.

“Fucking scared me you did, don’t ever do that to me again you arse. I've never longed to hear swearing so much in my life,” Harry giggled and hearing the boys laugh made every worried second worth it.  
“Shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were there. Well hi! I'm sorry you only ever 'ear me swearin',” he said and Harry grinned at the fact they were actually talking. He wasn’t sure what he could say, the pressure was too much.

“Fuck, um hi?” Harry said, hating the fact he had to pointlessly swear just to be able to reply in any way.  
“Shit, we’re not allowed to pass information on through this, are we?” He asked and Harry sighed, wishing he could jump into the boy's arms.  
“Fuck, no, they’d lock us up,” Harry commented and the boy sounded just as sad as Harry’s heart felt.

“Shit I wish we could, anyway it’s nice to talk to you, sorry I pissed you off enough to shout at me,” he giggled and Harry’s heart melted. It was such a pure sound compared to the filth he usually heard.  
“Arse, you scared me, but it’s okay,” Harry replied and they both went quiet, Harry profusely apologising to his mother for the vile language. She quickly forgave him when he told her how beautiful the boy's voice was.

After that, times were brilliant. His soulmate would swear and then immediately apologise which Harry found intensely endearing. Most of the sentences now went along the lines of,  
“Fook you too, oh wait sorry love not you.”  
“Piss off! That was a penalty! Shit sorry darling, football stuff.”  
“Wanker! Okay I’m not sorry for that, that guy was a knob.”

Harry’s friends got used to him muttering to himself even though the boy couldn’t hear him. It gave him some comfort knowing the boy probably knew he did this too.  
“Fookin’ loosah, hope you hit the wall on your way out you fookin’ knob.”  
“Alright baby, shh, calm down love,” Harry would whisper and despite his friends reminding him that his soulmate couldn’t hear that, Harry insisted that if there was a link for words then other things had to occasionally get linked up too. His friends would just call him a crappy romantic and move on while rolling their eyes. Harry was content with things, he had his boy back, they could talk to each other sometimes and Harry counted every day a step closer to them meeting.

-

“F-Fook, I’m sorry, I-I’m sorry, shit, shit.”  
Harry was woken up at 1am by the heart-wrenching cries of his soulmate.  
“Fuck, baby shh okay, you’re okay love, what’s wrong?” Harry whispered back, trying to stay calm and coax his boy through whatever was happening.

“Shit, shit this hurts, oh god it’s everywhere, blood, fook,” he gasped as he groaned in pain and Harry was shaking.  
“Shit baby, what happened?” Harry asked and waited for the response, chewing on his nails and trying to concentrate. His eyes scanned the room as it went silent.  
He never got a response.

-

The next day Harry got in his car ready to go to school but he never showed up there. He had been driving that way but the thought of sitting in class while his boy could be... it was too much and he felt too helpless. Against everything he’d ever been taught, he knew it was a long stretch but he drove around the hospitals in his area in a search for his soulmate.

“Last night, did you get a boy in here, thick accent, about 19 years old?”  
Harry asked and each place said they either couldn’t give out the information or they hadn’t had anyone by that description. Harry would plead and beg them, desperate to know what had happened. They’d all given him sympathetic eyes and a promise that they couldn’t really assure.

Harry had tried contacting Louis every 5 minutes, some with a bitter laugh and others pleading him not to be gone. He was left with nothing. This had been the second time his soulmate went quiet so Harry believed that if he just tried, his boy would be okay.

He was starting to give up, crying as it started to get dark and he was miles away from home. He didn’t know what he was expecting, it was such a far reach to believe that fate would let him have this. It had done its work and it left Harry to pick up the pieces. Harry took a glance up at the stars as he clicked the car open and prepared for a night of fighting. It was when he swung the door open that he heard it.

“I told you, I’m fine I need to talk to him now so can you just go away for a minute?”  
Harry was certain he was hearing things as he stared at the shadow coming out of the hospital. Due to the late hour, it was desolate and Harry was exhausted so it was natural his brain had filled the silence with the one sound he was dying to hear.

“Fook, babe I’m so sorry, oh god I’m sorry,” he said yet Harry wasn’t just hearing it in his head... he was hearing it from across the street. He froze, tears welling in his eyes as he took in the moment.  
“Shit, I-I can see you, I can see you,” Harry sobbed and the boy panicked, freezing in his spot too. Harry saw it, the body becoming static.

“Shit what? Are you being serious right now? Don’t fookin’ joke with me,” he replied as he head turned frantically before it froze.  
“Shit, is that you b-by the car? No, i-it can’t be? N-No,” he gasped and Harry nodded, the movement visible to his soulmate. Before he knew it, his boy was running towards him, his feet pounding hard on the concrete.

“Fook, it’s you, is it you?” he said and Harry didn’t hear it in his head anymore, the words were there, he was there.  
“Fuck, it is me, it’s me baby,” Harry whimpered, tears streaming down his face as the boy pulled him in for a hug. Harry made sure his arms were tight and grounding, holding together the pieces of them both and never letting go.

“Oh my god, oh my god it’s my baby, it’s my love,” Louis sobbed and Harry clung to him like his life depended on it.  
“Fuck, I swear to god I hate you so much, I’ve been driving around for hours just hoping I’d find you. I was so scared, so terrified I’d lost you,” Harry whispered and his soulmate pulled away, wiping the tears from his cheeks roughly and turning to halt more from coming.

“Shh now darling, it’s okay, you’re too beautiful to cry. God you really are so beautiful,” he muttered and Harry just blushed, unable to believe this was it. His boy was here in front of him, taking away his tears and telling him he was beautiful. Then he looked down, bandages wrapped all up his arms, replacing the boy's tanned skin lit by streetlights. Harry gently reached out, gingerly brushing his thumb along the stained fabric. The boy seemed upset with this move, clearly itching to pull away but not wanting to hurt Harry.

“Your arms baby? What happened?” Harry said, gently running his fingertips up them.  
“I-I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have. I-It gets too much, everything hurts,” he whispered and Harry’s heart broke at what this incredible boy had done. Before he knew it, he was pulling his bandaged arms away from Harry, squirming with the fact he was so vulnerable.

“It’s okay sweetheart, it’s alright,” Harry said as he very carefully took back the boys hand and pressed his lips to an exposed part of the boy’s wrist. He shook his head as he watched intently what Harry was doing.  
“I’m sorry i-if you don’t want me, I never wanted us to meet like this,” he muttered, clearly trying to dismiss himself and Harry couldn’t find the words to explain how wrong the boy was.

“Shh, god love you’re shaking. Come and sit down, you’re alright,” Harry opened one of the back doors of his car and the boy perched on the edge of the seat, his legs not quite reaching the floor.  
“Louis? Louis? What the hell are you doing?” A woman stormed over, her voice loud and harsh, especially in the silent night.  
“This is my soulmate, Liz, please don’t say anything,” the boy replied coldly, wait, Louis. His soulmate was called Louis. Harry couldn’t have picked a better name for such a stunning boy.

“As if this is yours, have you seen him, Louis? Stop being so ridiculous and get up,” she answered, leaning forward to reach for one of Louis’ bloody wrists and Harry couldn’t believe what he was hearing.  
“Excuse me, I am his soulmate actually,” Harry chimed in and the woman looked shocked but Harry realised what was happening when she laughed and he could smell the stench of alcohol on her.

“Well if he’s yours you can bloody keep him, I’m sick of his hospital trips anyway. Someone else can make sure he doesn’t bleed out,” she laughed in relief as she walked away and Louis got up to go after her without a thought.  
“Woah wait, where are you going?” Harry rushed and Louis wiped the tears from his eyes, not quite able to look at Harry.  
“After her, if I apologise now she might still take me home,” Louis said and Harry shook his head. Harry stepped forward, reaching his arms around Louis’ waist and holding him securely.

“Louis, what a beautiful name for a beautiful boy,” he said, brushing back the fringe that split across Louis’ forehead, “I won’t force you love but come back with me, you don’t deserve those words,” Harry said and Louis looked so defeated, darkness running rings around his eyes and his jittery limbs shaking too much to stay still. Louis was too exhausted to argue, he just wanted it all over.

“Come here my baby,” Harry whispered as he picked Louis up effortlessly, so fragile and dainty in his arms. Louis curled up in Harry’s arms until he was put in the front seat.  
“You’re safe now, you’re okay,” Harry whispered as he pressed a kiss to Louis’ forehead and did his seatbelt.

On the ride home, Louis fell asleep within 10 minutes. Harry’s checks of him were neurotic, flicking over every few seconds. Harry debated calling his mum and explaining everything but he didn’t want the noise to wake Louis. Plus, he didn’t feel like a phone call could really express what had happened.

Harry kept sneaking glances over more, his lover all curled up with Harry’s hoodie thrown over his exposed arms. Harry had no idea how bad things had gotten at Louis’ house and what he was going through. He went over their sentences, or as many as he could remember, and looked for any sign. He couldn’t find one.

Two hours later and it was half past midnight when Harry carried Louis into his house. It had been a struggle to make the transition without waking Louis but it was worth it to see the calmness washed over him. The moment he opened the door he heard his mum scrambling down the stairs and he just about had time to manically whisper ‘shh’ before she began yelling.

“Mum, mum please, this is him. This is my soulmate, Louis,” Harry whispered and that stopped Anne in her tracks. She paused in the hallway, checking Harry was telling the truth before stepping towards them both. She looked down at him, his hair covering a lot of his face and a brief smile lit up her mouth before she snapped back into her anger.

“Come and sit down, you better explain what happened Harry Styles,” his mum sternly said while still keeping the noise down. Once they were both in the living room, Harry laid Louis out on the seat next to him, brushing his hair back gently.

“I’m sorry I skipped school but last night Louis woke me up at 1am sobbing about how much he hurt and how much blood there was. I-I didn’t know what to do mum, I thought, I-I thought,” Harry paused and sniffled, looking over at Louis on the sofa.  
“I drove around hospitals hoping for anything, praying for some news and I’d just come out of the last one when I heard him leaving. It was beautiful, god his voice was beautiful. Then I saw his arms a-and, he’s been cutting mum, his family, s-she said she didn’t want him anymore, she left him to me mum. My baby is hurting so bad,” Harry sobbed so hard it got his mum who began to cry too. 

Harry curled up on the chair, all the pain and overthinking in the car had worked him up to a breaking point. His heart wasn’t able to comprehend all the hurt.  
“Harry, shh, it’s okay. He can stay here, for now, love, we can help him, he’s alright,” Anne repeated until Harry broke away, instantly mopping up his face, going over to Louis and picking him up. With the rough movement, Louis awoke.

“I’m sorry, I-I just, I needed to hold you, needed to remember you’re okay,” Harry whispered and Louis snuggled into the comfort of Harry’s hoodie.  
“’m alright, a-are we at yours?” Louis whispered groggily and Harry kissed his hair, leaving his lips pressed to the soft strands for as long as he could.

“Yeah we are love, do you want to go to bed?” Harry asked and Louis nodded shyly, curling fully into Harry and burying his face to bring back the blackness.  
“Mum, I’m going to take him up, is that alright?” Harry asked, bobbing Louis gently in his arms out of habit.

“Of course love.” Anne nodded and the boys made their way upstairs. Louis was trying to speak but everything seemed to be overwhelming him too much for him to do more than open and close his mouth.  
“Louis, just sleep and we’ll talk tomorrow,” Harry pressed a soft kiss to Louis’ hair again and Louis had never had so much kindness expressed towards him. It lulled him into a security that allowed him to sleep.

The next morning Louis woke up to ‘Wouldn’t It Be Nice’ as an alarm and Harry groaned, shutting it off as fast as he could force his slumber tainted self to do.  
“Sorry Lou, ‘s for school,” Harry muttered and Louis hummed, figuring he could do with getting an early start anyway.  
“I just realised I don’t even know your name, fook, what the hell was yesterday?” Louis stretched as he yawned and then hissed at the burning sensation of his cuts.

“Harry, ‘s Harry Styles,” Harry replied as he rolled over towards Louis, his _soulmate._  
“Harry, that’s... perfect,” Louis said with a grin as he propped himself up, Harry automatically laying his head on Louis’ stomach. Louis didn’t hesitate to gently play with Harry’s wild morning curls as they soaked in the light and prepared for a long day of talking.

“What would you like for breakfast Louis?” Anne asked as he sat at the dinner table. He felt a little exposed with the t-shirt and sweatpants Harry had given him as all his bandages were on display. Nobody commented though, which Louis wasn’t used to.

“Just toast for me, but it’s okay I can get it,” Louis said as he stood up and Anne shook her head as she began preparing his food.  
“It’s okay, I’ve got it, thanks Louis,” she replied as Louis froze from where he’d stood, clearly confused.

“Louis, what’s wrong?” Harry looked concerned, leaning towards him.  
“N-Nothing, just... not what I’m used to I guess,” Louis tried to smile and laugh it away but Harry saw the story behind it. They got through breakfast well and together, as a new family, they started to coax Louis out of his shell. Louis got up to take the dishes but paused when Anne had stood up too.

“Sorry, I-I’ll clean up,” Louis said as he grabbed the plates.  
“I’ve got it, you boys need a long chat anyway,” Anne grinned and Louis thanked her, leaving the plates to her attendance as they made their way upstairs.

“Where do we even start?” Louis laughed in disbelief and Harry just couldn’t stop staring at him and admiring the boy across from him.  
“Um, tell me about you. How old are you, where are you from, that sort of stuff,” Harry shrugged, gazing fondly and Louis nodded.  
“Okay, well I’m Louis Tomlinson, I’m 19 and I’m from Doncaster,” Louis stated and Harry beamed like he’d been given the secrets of the universe.

“Tomlinson, I like it,”  
“I hate it,” Louis quickly snapped before profusely apologising and wincing a little.  
“Lou, relax, it’s okay,” Harry said, placing his hand over Louis fidgeting ones. He seemed to have a few little neurotic tendencies from what Harry had seen so far. Louis’ eyes flickered around, clearly feeling like he was out of his depth.

“What do you like to do? Apart from football,” Harry asked, swiftly moving their conversation on to a more pleasant topic.  
“I like to, um, sing,” Louis replied and Harry beamed.  
“Me too, c-can I hear?” Harry rushed, excited that they had something in common. Louis’ face froze in shock and Harry mirrored it for a split second before softening.  
“Sorry, it’s okay. You don’t wanna sing right now,” Harry apologised and shook his head, running a hand through his curls. Louis averted Harry’s gaze back towards him with a finger under his chin.  
“I will, one day, I promise,” Louis smiled and that was all Harry could have asked for.

Three hours and a lot of talking later, both boys were getting a little restless. They’d changed sitting positions a few times but nothing could pull them away from wanting to kiss. It was when they sat opposite each other, Louis almost in Harry’s lap, that finally it happened.

“Lou, can I ask something?” Harry muttered shyly, blushing as he looked towards his hand.  
“You’ve asked me a lot so I don’t know why you think you need to ask now. Of course I’ll kiss you, you dork,” Louis laughed and Harry shook his head.

“I hate that you knew I was going to say that,” Harry giggled as he leaned in and their lips met. All the cliche’s happened, every touch Louis left on his face felt like a piece of his heart was left with it. Harry threaded his hands into Louis’ short hair at the base of his head.

“L-Lou,” Harry breathlessly sighed, he could feel the attraction affecting them both but he needed to explain before they got too caught up.  
“Yeah H-Haz, I-I want to,” Louis replied in the same tone Harry used to hear every night. It sent a rush through Harry but he couldn’t let it happen. Louis had begun to unbutton Harry’s pyjama shirt as they kissed deeper.

“L-Lou stop,” Harry rushed once he had the willpower to and immediately Louis pulled his hands away like they’d been electrocuted.  
“Oh god sorry, y-you don’t... oh god I’m so sorry, I-I’m-“ Louis stumbled over his sentences as his mouth fell open and he tried to turn away.  
“Lou, baby, I-I want it. I want it so bad b-but I’m sorry I-I’m saving it until marriage,” Harry explained, gently tracing a pulled thread on Louis’ bandages with his finger. Louis paused, clearly not sure what to make of that or what the correct thing was to say.

“O-Oh right, um, I-I... okay. Yeah that’s, t-that’s okay,” Louis sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than Harry.  
“I-I’m sorry, b-but we could do other stuff? M-Maybe?” Harry tried to offer and Louis seemed like he wanted to go for it but something was holding him back.  
“N-No, if you want to wait, that’s okay. I-I mean I don’t ever want to like, force you or think you need to do anything for me. Just having you, getting to kiss you, i-it’s like you’re out of my dreams,” Louis laughed slightly in disbelief as he let his fingers roam Harry’s milky skin.

“I-I mean it, Lou, I want to do something together, please,” Harry begged quietly and Louis swallowed thickly at how desperate Harry was.  
“O-Okay, what about a handjob? D-Do you want that?” Louis asked, so turned on by the way Harry squirmed.  
“I-I’ve never-“ Harry was cut off by Louis’ hand reaching down to palm him gently.  
“You’ve never done this with anyone?” Louis asked, his voice still in that soft, light tone.  
“Never done a-anything, n-not even by myself,” Harry confessed and Louis’ breath caught in his throat as he halted his movements.

“Baby, a-are you really sure you want to do this? I-I don’t want you to feel pressured at all okay? If you don’t want to that is fine,” Louis stressed and Harry dismissed him.  
“ _Please Lou,_ ” Harry gasped as he leant forward and messily kissed Louis.  
“O-Okay, just s-say if you want me to stop. Any point, any time, o-okay? Promise me,” Louis asked between kisses.  
“Promise,” Harry replied and that was all Louis needed to reach down and into Harry’s pyjama bottoms.

“So hard for me,” Louis groaned as he tugged Harry’s lip a little in his teeth, Harry whined and writhed with the new sensation.  
“A-Always heard you do this, n-never got to do it m-myself,” Harry groaned as his hands gripped on to Louis’ t-shirt.  
“Naughty baby, heard me getting off every night and you just had to sit there. Listening and waiting until I could take care of you,” Louis whispered as he stroked Harry’s dick gently in his fist. It was dry and at an awkward angle but he figured Harry wasn’t going to last long anyway.

“Yeah Lou, n-needed it so b-bad,” Harry choked out as his body started to shake.  
“Look so stunning, can’t believe I’m going to be the one to make you come,” Louis whispered as he leant in and pressed a short kiss to Harry’s torn up lips.  
“L-Lou, s-stop,” Harry rushed as he gripped Louis wrist, halting his movements.  
“Hey, you’re okay baby, I’ve stopped. It’s okay,” Louis comforted softly, withdrawing his hand and cupping Harry’s face.

“S-Sorry can I just ask something?” Harry said and Louis nodded.  
“Anything.”  
“Will it... hurt?” Harry’s brows furrowed and Louis wanted to kiss away the little pout that formed.  
“No love, not at all. It will feel intense but really good I promise,” Louis smiled, trying to take the embarrassment away from Harry’s tinted cheeks.  
“O-Okay,” Harry send a smile back and Louis tilted his head, silently asking if he could go back to touching Harry. He wasn’t hesitant this time when he nodded.

“It’s okay love, just let go. I’m here, I’ve got you,” Louis murmured softly and he felt Harry begin to tense underneath him. Louis ran a hand down Harry’s arm as he flicked his finger over the leaking slit.  
“Relax, shhh,” Louis pressed his lips to Harry’s forehead as Harry’s fists balled in Louis’ t-shirt.  
“I-I’m, Lou please, Lou-“ Harry choked out, overwhelmed by it all.  
“Come for me sweet, get my hand all messy,” Louis sped up his fist, using all the tricks he knew to coax Harry’s orgasm. Louis couldn’t help but try to watch every jolt of Harry’s body and change of expression on his face. His parted lips and fluttering eyes were obscene.

“Lou, Lou I-I’m scared, I-I don’t know-“ Harry cut himself off with a moan and Louis held him in tighter.  
“So pretty baby, does it feel nice for you? You must be so desperate, it’s okay my little one,” Louis comforted and it seemed to calm Harry down enough to let the soft whines and groans slip.  
“Lou, I-I’m gonna, I-I’m g-gonna,” Harry repeated and Louis held them together, their faces so close he could feel Harry’s panting breaths fanning on his heated skin.

“Come on love, I’m here now. Doing so well.” Louis watched as Harry’s dick kicked in his boxers, a warning that he was coming.  
“ _Louis, Louis, Louis- o-oh_ ” Harry rushed and his moan got caught in his throat as he came. Harry squirmed and shuddered, his eyes rolling back and his whole body vibrating with the sheer force of it.  
“Good boy, that’s it, that’s my good boy,” Louis repeated as he fisted Harry’s dick, amazed by how much come was still shooting out as his balls pulsed.  
“F-Fu-uhh, shit, hmm,” Harry groaned as the aftershocks hit and he jerked harshly at the oversensitivity.

“Harry, you okay sweet?” Louis asked as Harry flopped back on the bed.  
“Give me 20 more,” Harry breathlessly demanded and Louis laughed as he pulled his come-covered hand away.  
“I will do over time, don’t worry,” Louis brushed Harry’s hair away from his sweating forehead with his clean hand while searching for something to wipe the come away.

“You can go to the bathroom,” Harry squinted his eyes open, seeing what Louis was doing.  
“With this? I don’t think so,” Louis pointed down at his raging boner tenting his bottoms and Harry’s eyes went wide. Louis found a tissue on the bedside table and cleaned most of the mess off his hand.

“C-Can I?” Harry gestured and Louis smiled.  
“Are you sure Harry, I mean I don’t want you to rush anything,” Louis asked and Harry nodded.  
“Wanna help you, Lou,” Harry leant forward, kissing Louis hard and immediately began to palm him.  
“I’m not gonna last long babe,” Louis groaned out as he kissed Harry slowly and softly, Harry froze but soon melted into it while Louis moaned into Harry’s mouth.  
“S-So beautiful, can’t b-believe you’re m-mine,” Louis whimpered as he guided Harry’s fist over his dick.

“Gonna orgasm Louis?” Harry spoke in a low tone, clearly trying his best to be sexy but Louis couldn’t help but let a breathy laugh escape.  
“N-Not quite sexy b-babe, but good try,” Louis kissed him in the hopes it would stop any further awkward comments before finally, he came hard, spilling all over their joined hands and letting out a broken whine of Harry’s name.

“F-Fuck me that was amazing,” Louis panted as he leant back, a sex flush creeping over his body.  
“L-Louis oh my god, y-you’ve got a rash! Have you infected me with something?” Harry exclaimed and immediately Louis covered himself up and scrambled away.  
“No! No, I-I um, i-it’s called a sex flush, i-it’s just... I-I get it w-whenever I-I do anything like that,” Louis hurried to explain and Harry squinted.

“O-Oh sorry, I’ve just never really heard a-about anything to do with that. W-Why don’t I have it?” Harry asked as he looked down at himself.  
“I-It happens more with girls b-but I’m just u-unlucky a-as usual,” Louis awkwardly laughed and shrugged, still covering himself as much as he could.  
“Please don’t cover up, I’m sorry, I didn’t know,” Harry apologised as he reached out and placed his hands on Louis’ side. He could tell Louis had been quite hurt by it.  
“It’s okay, I-I know I’m gross,” Louis replied and Harry shook his head.  
“No Louis, you’re so beautiful. I’m so lucky,” Harry softly whispered and Louis just shyly smiled, covering himself as he curled inwards.  
“I’m such a douche, Lou, please forgive me love,” Harry hugged him, holding him as tight as he could and pressing kisses to Louis’ hair.

“I-I need to go wash, I-I’ll be back in a minute,” Louis smiled as he power walked to the bathroom and locked himself in, the click echoing. Harry ran through his brain trying to place each item in his bathroom and figure out if Louis could hurt himself with it. He figured it would be best to check on him if it took too long.

After 5 minutes Harry got up and knocked. By this point, he’d bitten all his nails raw and moved around the room 15 times.  
“Lou, let me in,” Harry called through the door and he heard shuffling.  
“J-Just give me a minute,” Louis replied and Harry grew even more nervous.  
“Louis, let me in or I’ll kick down this door,” Harry threatened and he heard Louis accidentally knock over the soap bottle.

“O-Okay, alright just-“ Louis trailed off and Harry heard a splashing of water before the door lock clicked. He rushed in, expecting to see a horrific scene. He looked down and the water was stained a swirling red.  
“Louis, please tell me you haven’t. Please,” Harry brokenly whispered and Louis shook his head.

“Course not, not in someone else’s bathroom. I-I was just washing m-my cuts s-so they don’t get infected,” Louis explained, his arms behind his back.  
“Sorry love, I just worried. You can carry on,” Harry smiled and Louis paused, waiting for Harry to leave but he didn’t. Eventually, Louis brought out his arms and placed them in the water, gently washing the torn up skin and wincing when it burned. Harry walked up behind Louis, placing his hands around Louis’ waist.

“God Lou, ‘s so heartbreaking,” Harry whispered, planting a kiss on Louis’ neck. Louis didn’t reply, just carried on until he deemed them okay and turned the bandages around, going to wrap them back up.

“Love no, I’ll get you some new ones,” Harry said, reaching up to their cabinet and pulling some out of the first aid box.  
“Come here my love, I know you’re hurting and I know I can’t do much to help. But I will be here, okay? Always,” Harry promised as he gently swirled the bandages around Louis’ arm. Louis wasn’t one to ever hope because he never had an end goal to hope for. Now, though, things were different.

-

The first time Louis formally met Harry’s extended family, he was terrified. He’d been staying away at therapy for a while but he’d come back to celebrate Harry’s mother’s birthday. The whole morning he insisted on constantly changing his outfit and worrying about his scars. Despite the fact they were old, they were deep and still taking their time to heal. Now he’d been asked to let them get air, he was always conscious of them and how he looked.

“Lou please, look at me. You’re my angel and you look beautiful,” Harry cupped Louis’ face, desperate to drill it into his head.  
“My arms though,” Louis gazed down at them, more red than skin was showing and they were scabbing over.  
“Your arms are getting better. You’ve got no more new scars and that’s something I know you’ve worked so hard on,” Harry beamed and Louis couldn’t help but smile along.  
“Yeah,” He whispered as Harry kissed him softly and they made their way downstairs.

“Gran, Grandad. This is Louis, my boyfriend,” Harry introduced with a wide smile and they both turned to look at Louis.  
“Hi,” Louis smiled as he stuck a hand out to shake. Both grandparents smiled but left Louis’ hand waiting there until he put it down. Louis turned to Harry, not sure what to do or say and Harry sent him a warm smile.

“It’s okay Lou,” Harry whispered before turning back to his grandparents, “he’s just a bit shy so please make him feel welcome,” Harry coaxed them with a glare and a raised eyebrow.

“Hello Louis, you’re Harry’s soulmate right?” She said and Louis nodded.  
“Yeah, I mean I’m not sure how I got so lucky but I am,” Louis nervously giggled and Harry couldn’t help but beam at his boy.  
“Yes, Harry is a very handsome grandson, we’re very proud,” They both turned to Harry with wide smiles and pride lit eyes.

“Stop it! Honestly! Not even all the beauty in the world could make me deserving of this one,” Harry tried to keep it light-hearted as he planted a kiss on Louis’ cheek.  
“I mean... if you say so,” Harry’s granddad muttered with a sigh and disapproving glare and Louis froze up.  
“I’m just going to, um, go to the loo. I-I’ll be back in a minute,” Louis smiled and Harry gripped his arm tightly before he left. Almost as a warning to not do anything he could regret, Louis sent a believable smile back before heading upstairs.

3 months of resisting meant Louis couldn’t help but feel utterly pathetic with the way his fingers shook a blade across his skin. The first cut he made and already he knew it was a mistake. That didn’t stop him from doing more and going deeper until finally, he came out of his haze panicking about how much his progress was ruined. The more he cried, the worse he felt until his head was hanging over the sink and he was trying to gag as silently as possible so he wasn’t heard by all of Harry’s family downstairs.

“Lou, baby, you’ve been a while are you okay?” Harry spoke with the worried tone that Louis knew was associated with cutting.  
“Yeah I-I,” Louis cut himself off, remembering all the work he’d done to keep things honest between him and Harry.

“I-I’m not good-“ Louis spoke before retching into the sink again. Harry banged on the door as Louis opened it.  
“Lou, shh, you’re okay,” Harry whispered as he rubbed Louis back.  
“I-I’ve done it a-again Harry,” Louis whispered and he heard a choked sob that was quickly concealed.  
“Okay love, thank you for telling me. Do we need to go to hospital?” Harry tried to stay calm, tried to coax Louis down so he could breathe properly.

“I-I don’t know, i-it’s all too much I’m so sorry,” Louis whispered, his head going fuzzy.  
“You’re okay, it’s not a worry at all. One relapse on a tough day doesn’t make you a bad person sweetheart,” Harry remembered what he and Louis had talked through, the things that made Louis feel better.

“Can we move you to the bedroom so I can get mum to take us in or are you still sick?” Harry softly guided and Louis walked to the bedroom, immediately grabbing for the bin beside Harry’s bed.  
“Oh love, okay let's get you some water,” Harry picked up a bottle from the nightstand and handed it over, watching Louis’ shaking hands drink it as Harry began to assess the cuts.

“Okay Lou, I think we’re going to have to take you back,” Harry said and Louis had never hated himself more than in that moment.  
“I-I can wait, at least until your mum’s birthday is over. Please Harry, I always ruin everything,” Louis choked up and Harry pulled Louis’ head into his shoulder.  
“Love that isn’t true at all,” Harry sighed, kissing Louis’ head and holding back tears.

“P-Please d-don’t make me go back, I-I can’t,” Louis whispered, ditching the bucket and curling up on Harry’s lap.  
“Why baby? What’s wrong? Has something happened there?” Harry rushed, not liking the tone of Louis’ voice.  
“I-It’s h-horrible, I-I hate it. I-I’m so... lonely,” Louis choked out, gripping hard onto any fabric he could find and tugging it towards him.

“Lou, why didn’t you tell me?” Harry stressed, sad that all this time he never saw it, yet another big thing in his lover's life he’d missed.  
“I-I wanted you t-to think I was getting b-better so I could c-come b-back,” Louis confessed and Harry threw his head back, his whole world falling apart.

“Harry?” His mum’s voice came from the doorway and Harry’s head shot towards the door.  
“Mum, now’s not the time,” Harry sighed and she shut the door, stepping in and to the bed.  
“Louis, are you okay?” Harry’s mum softened and Harry let a tear go as he looked across and shook his head.

“Okay, come on, what’s going on,” she pulled Harry in, rubbing his side and kissing his head.  
“Lou, can I ta-“ Harry was cut off by Louis scrambling to the floor and towards the bin. The noise was horrendous.  
“Hey, hey, okay. Oh sweetheart what have they done to you,” Harry whispered, brushing Louis’ hair back and holding his shivering body.

“I-I’m so s-sorry, I-I didn’t mean t-to hide it,” Louis brokenly apologised and Harry picked him back up, washing his face and tying his fringe away.  
“It’s not your fault love, I just wish you’d said something. I can’t bear you being so sad,” Harry replied, rocking him back and forth.  
“B-But it cost y-you so much. I-I was scared y-you’d think I was u-ungrateful a-and kick me out o-or h-hurt me,” Louis muttered and Harry pulled him in, finally losing it in sobs.  
“We would never, ever hurt you or chuck you out Louis. I love you, I love you so, so much,” Harry assured, kissing Louis’ head over and over. That night was rough for everyone.

-

The morning after wasn’t much easier, it felt like their relationship existed in goodbyes.  
“I love you okay? And I promise I’ll call you. You’ll tell me if you don’t like anything okay? You swear to me,” Harry repeated and Louis smiled.  
“I will do Harry, I’m sorry you have to go through this again and again,” Louis sighed and Harry pulled him in.

“No, I don’t want you having any guilt okay? You’re my beautiful boyfriend and I love you. All I want is your happiness and if it takes the rest of my life to sort it, it will be worth every second,” Harry cupped his lovers face, his eyes shining and his lip wobbling.  
“I’ll be okay baby, don’t get upset,” Louis smiled, pressing a kiss to Harry’s chapped lips. The car drove away, ripping Louis from Harry’s hugs once again. No matter how much he told himself it was only for a few months and that Louis really did like this one, he still couldn’t settle.

-

“Lou, come on!” Harry called through, the kitchen filling with the scents of his baking. Louis walked through, his arms wrapping around Harry’s middle.  
“Hmm, hello baby,” Louis muttered, kissing the soft skin of Harry’s neck. Harry slid the cake over, insisting his 20th birthday was the best day to bake. Louis had thought he was crazy but if it was what Harry wanted to do, he couldn’t argue. Plus it aided Louis’ present anyway.

“Alright baby, you go sit, at least let me bring it in and sing to you!” Louis giggled and Harry obliged, excitedly wiggling his apron off as he slipped into the dining room. Louis slipped the ring in the top with a wild grin.  
“Happy birthday to you, happy b-“ Louis sang as he watched the candles intently, making sure they didn’t flicker to far but he was cut off by an unexpected surprise.

Harry was lent on one knee, box in his hand. Louis looked down and froze, his eyes wide.  
“Lou, I know life hasn’t been easy for you a-and you’ve been through so much. I wan- Lou? Why are you laughing?” Harry squinted.  
“Sorry, god Haz that was so sweet but I-I just,” Louis placed the cake down on the side and plucked out the ring. He got down on one knee, laughing so hard he could barely breathe.

“Oh... Jesus Christ,” Harry’s head fell into his palm as he giggled, of course they were so in sync they’d planned a proposal on the same day.  
“Okay, on the count of 3,” Louis said and on 3 they both asked the question.  
“Yes, of course I do,” Harry answered first, looking to Louis with tears and hope in his eyes.  
“Yes, I do too,” Louis replied, tears falling down his cheeks as they both slid rings on the other's finger.

“I love you, even if you ruin my moment on my birthday,” Harry giggled, surging into Louis and wrapping him in an overwhelming cuddle.  
“And I love you even if you do ruin my best birthday gift,” Louis replied, sending them both into hysterics as they kissed over and over again.

That began their life together, Louis wrapped up his therapy to a round of cheers and his new best friends, Liam and Niall, beside him. He and Harry had possibly the most extravagant wedding Cheshire had ever seen, then finished with a night of awkward but brilliant sex.

When Louis’ children asked about the lines on his arms, he told them of how he’d defeated one of the most horrible monsters of all time. How he beat it with their papa and now all that’s left is the scars. Harry cries every time. And each night once the kids are in bed, Harry kisses Louis’ wrist and tells him that he’s the bravest knight he’s ever known, then it’s Louis’ turn to cry.

**Author's Note:**

> Please give me some motivation and leave kudos, comments and subscribe!
> 
> Twitter- angeltxmlinson  
> Tumblr- angeltxmlinson or mclennondreams


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